And thus she became a fast learner

Samarjit Kambam *

For their husband, yeah, for their dearer than life better half, every wife, weed out unfaithful ones, are ready to sacrifice everything for their dearie husbands. Gone too far?

I met my wife during those yonder and carefree days where every day smelt like teen spirit. She was loaded with pristine innocence, spotless, deadbeat(down to earth & caring). She was dreamy eyed and ignorant, unprepared about what life holds in store for her after tying the nuptial knot with me as she proceeds towards the path of her life. She was full of expectations, positive expectations from me and was brimming with hopes – hopes of a bright future, financial growth, kids, a good family as every sane wife would long for.

During those magical years not so long after entering matrimonial life, I was her everything – her guiding light, her shooting star, her source of happiness, her impeccable life partner, someone to live and stick together till the end of time inoblivious of the huge trunk of Pandora’s box I was about to open. Well, she found out that my gentleness, caring attitude, my calmness and placidness were all deceptive.

She also found out that something was not falling in place within me. The main reason was my bad company I was indulging in. Slowly, she found out that her caring and attentive husband had been in a dilemma, pushed to the wall, degenerating day by day in terms of physical health and mental equilibrium. She had gradually found out my true self – once the one who used to whisper sweet nothings in her ears telling her that she is being loved every second of the day has been a monster all the way in the guise of a human.

It is a known fact that a wife knows her beloved husband more than anyone else in the world as she sleeps with her husband on the same bed, sharing the same pillow, spilling out the deepest secrets from their hearts. Once a dreamy-eyed, simple and innocent wife, her stand, rather a firm one has changed dramatically.

Putting her husband i.e. me above everything else, she shared all my joys and sorrows and I am really sorry that I was an incompetent husband, a bad bad one – bad to the core, bad to the bone. So, the “once upon a time’s” starry and dreamy-eyed girl rapidly adapted, evolved at bullet train speed with metamorphic and psychological changes.

As her husband being the top of her priority in the world even many times more than their kids, her change in attitude, mindset and outlook advanced at a dramatic and unprecedented rate. Though innocent and ignorant at one point of time, she climbed the ladder of awareness and vigilance at more than steroid induced rate.

She than changed, from a simple, ordinary woman to a state-of-the-art product. Courtesy to bad husbands, for the wives of every bad husbands climb at rapid strides in terms of many spheres viz, vigilance, awareness, problem solving and elevates themselves to psychological excelism which even Einstein or Stephen Hawkings might envy. My once empty-headed non-blonde has now become an entity – an entity with many cards up her sleeves.

Now she has become, I mean to me, a doctor, a mechanical engineer, a software and hardware expert, a doctor (my physician cum psychologist), a counselor, my confidant, my personal assistant, a financial expert, my advisor, my interlocutor, my protective shield, my cocoon, my everything.

She knows how much I pee in a day, can understand what I am feeling, like a physical and mental tracking machine and sometimes becomes a walking lie-detecting machine. She can find out how damaged my stomach and liver is, knows even my liver’s bilirubin level and GFR & creatinine level of my kidneys, my testosterone & adrenaline level, my BMI indicator, the diets that I have consumed for the day just by looking at my face and even the genre of music I’d listen as per the prevailing mood I was wearing on my face.

She came to me as my wife without knowing anything and now she has leaped miles ahead of me in almost every aspects. I am sure that this happens to every wives of bad husbands – well, bizarre benefits of having a bad husband. And she misses me a lot whenever I come home late. She’d know what I’d consumed for the day or under what influence or how inebriated I was by the way I snore when I sleep or getting restive when I couldn’t get to sleep.

She’d remain awake the whole night, watching me, wondering whether I was dreaming for someone else and would weep silently, tears running down her cheeks from her dreamy pair of eyes to see me with my blackened face when I was sleeping in a full state of purple haze. And when I was in a state of cold turkey, lying like a vegetable on bed, the way she attended to me with ultra care and love would put Florence Nightingale to shame. In fact, she loves me many times more than I love her for action speaks louder than words.

I am just a man, a human being bound to make lots of errors on my journey towards life. Once I chatted in FB Messenger with just a virtual friend of the opposite sex. Even though my intention was to pass away the sleepless nights, she scanned every chats and brought the cell phone COL(crying out loud). She then replaced the SIM with a new one.

Another time, another episode, it was also some simple chats on Whatsapp and she’d come out with all the details inclusive of date and time from the cloud server. My SIM was changed once again. She’s more like a living scanning and anti-virus software. Again, my chat recordings with my bad company would be scanned by her which went on like this:-

#Cold Turkey?
-No, JALP (Just a little depressed).
#Whassup?
-U know, my wife, as usual.
#CRH (Caught red handed) ?
-SCTS (Surgical, Clinical & Thorough Search), u know.
#That’s deep shit.
-Yeah! Really a sinking feeling.
#Weren’t you vigilant enough?
-TINA(There is no alternative). She’s watching my every moves.
#World’s Still Yours?
-Just a few days ago, but sleepless nights, next morning the world seemed to kick me out.
#WAN(What about now)?
-Not that high
#Well, what’s the big problem?
-Yesterday night, she caught me alongwith my Gun & Rocket. Caution: “Ears only”.
#Aaw, that terrible news.
-Am in a dilemma
#So, what’s your plan? Join me today or beat her up.
-That’s the last thing in the world I’d do. U know, beating women and children is the most coward thing for a man to do.
#U n ur conscience.
-Call whatever you may, doesn’t make much difference
#What about today?
-Totally purple hazed, feels like Sunday morning. Come tomorrow, its going to be hell.
#Feel pity for U, ma’fren
-Yeah!

But she would know everything about the chat, every meaning of every word, just like an omnipotent entity. Sometimes she got me on my nerves for what she had been doing, hovering around like a hawk making me feel like a rat. But it was for a good cause, for a better me being her main aim. In fact, she has re-kindled my life, changed me from a living dead to a human.

Thank thy Heavenly Fingers for creating a wonderful creature for me in the flesh and blood of my wife. Without her unending and tireless efforts, help and care I would long be gone and you would not be reading this article after all.