Imphal, February 18: �Instead of suffering quietly, victims of domestic violence should try to look for means to escape from such atrocities by fighting against it�, said a woman who herself had been such a victim for 29 years.

After having suffered domestic violence in the hands of her own husband for 29 years just for the sake of her children, Thoibi (name changed on request) is today a �liberated woman� in her own rights.

Growing up in an urban family, Thoibi studied till class XI with Home Science as her optional subject from TG Higher Secondary School, Imphal.

It was in 1977 while she was preparing for appearing in her class XII final examination, she got married to man also from urban area.

They gave birth to two sons and three daughters.

However, the eldest daughter and another son passed away.

Since early childhood, Thoibi was very efficient in embroidery and other needle works.

Being an inter-district transport driver, her husband remained most of time away from home and picked up the habit of drinking and womanising.

The income earned by him was not given for the maintenance of the family.

In such a situation, the onus of looking after the family and bringing up their children fell squarely on the shoulders of Thoibi who took up embroidery works to feed her family.

With abject poverty glaring from every corner of the house, the eldest daughter stopped her education after class IX and started helping her mother in her embroidery work to supplement the income of the family.

Despite working as a driver, Thoibi�s husband asked money from Thoibi for his drinks and other enjoyment.

If refused to comply with his monetary demand, Thoibi would be beaten and such incidents were more than frequent.

As the family has no cultivable land, the financial condition of the family deteriorated day by day.

�One day, when I refused to give money to my husband for his usual outings, he grabbed my throat and beat me up.

Seeing that my eldest daughter rushed in to save me.

My husband tried to pull me out and flung a staff at me, but it hit my daughter instead and her hand was broken�, she recalled.

�On top of poverty in the family, constant fights and domestic violence in the family has induced my eldest daughter to suffer from mental problem.

Since the day her hand was broken, my daughter became bed ridden.

Instead of treating her, my husband used to pick up fights and even told her to die.

Her condition deteriorated gradually and passed away in January 2004 at the young age of just 22 years�, Thoibi recounted while trying to control her tears.

On the death of one of her sons, Thoibi informed �he fell sick not long after having given birth.

As I did not have accessed to the required nutritious food supplements during pregnancy, I was very weak and moreover constant bickering of my husband made me always sad and I could not even took my son to a doctor for examination and treatment �, Thoibi said, this time unable to control her tears anymore.

All the three surviving children of Thoibi also discontinued their studies after class X.On one occasion, her second son run away from home saying he was fed up with penury of the family and his father�s drunken behaviour.

Recounting this incident, Thoibi said, �After my son did not return home till late night, I went all round looking for him and at last found him laying supine on the dry bed of the river.

I held my son close and we both cried�.

�We have spend many nights with empty stomach.

I had also gone back to my parents many times.

But they always send me back saying I should resign to my fate whether my husband is good or bad.

Other in-law members also came to take me back saying we (me and my husband) should not be separated for the sake of the children, she said.

After having gone through all these harrowing experiences, Thoibi got the opportunity of attending a programme of gender issue organised by Women Action for Development (WAD).

This particular incident was a turning point in her life.

Thoibi started having new hope in her life and found new friends and guides who understood her problem.

By that time, all are children have also grown up and started earning income.

They could ignore the nagging of their father and live their life without his help.

Today, Thoibi participates in various craft melas held in the country as well as abroad selling the her own products as well as those made by her children.

In recognition of her talent, ICM invites her from time to time to conduct training on crafts and embroidery for the members of various SHGs.

She has also been imparting training on regular basis to the women members of the NGOs like EMA being run by WAD for the welfare of women in society.

A confident looking Thoibi said victims of domestic violence should not remain quite and they should lodge complaint to the State Women Commission.

Domestic Violence Act too has been implemented all over India today, so they should not remain quiet suffering.

She also advised victims of domestic violence to consult their problems with NGOs working for the welfare of women.

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