All for Love

Dipankar Jakharia *

"Love is the only religion I know", and with that one liner I sealed the deal and we are together for last fifteen years. Ours was a mixed marriage and she is from a different state. For us one day in the middle of February is not enough, sometimes I even feel everyday is not enough. But still I will plan some mischief on the V day, if we are in same town. Sorry, NO; I can't disclose what that will be. But let us discuss how couples can talk about money, which sometimes is the hardest topic to talk. And all for the religion which I know is "Love", this February.

Why is it so difficult for us to talk about money? Perhaps because money symbolizes different things to different people: power, control, security, or love, for instance. In a recent study in the western world 90 per cent of the divorces, money is an issue. Changing earning pattern and spending habits may have catapulted these conflicts. So here are few tips to follow and let not financial issues ruin your relationship and live happily ever after.

* Don't build it up waiting for the credit card bill to arrive. The idea is to discuss in a normal tune and tone. Discuss finance when there is no financial issue. This will help in a regularity and keep a check on dreams and aspirations. In fact with some imagination, it may turn-up to be a romantic one.

* Tell a little and ask for an opinion. Don't say let's go to Greece and then talk about the cost. Say I have this much to spare for our vacation. And then say how about Goa or maybe Greece. Let your partner participate. Make him or her involved.

* Be honest about how you feel. If you have been a very independent person, than it will be very difficult to let go your control and share your hard earn assets even with your loved ones. If your assets are many fold more than your partner and your partner's spending habits are poor, you might feel resentment in sharing. First be honest about your feeling and then only you can be honest about your partner's feelings. And let me tell you frankly, that is the only way.

* If it becomes difficult to talk about some issue, then bring a friend with some financial acumen or even your financial planner. Short it out, before it's too late.

Tips:-

* First step of financial discipline is to track your spending. See where it is going. But do your own tracking. Some partners might be sensitive to let see his or her spending details and have that right of privacy, I personally feel. But discuss the pattern. You will have idea where to rebalance.

* Come to a formula of agreeing and disagreeing. Something like any spending of above Rs. 10,000 both the partners need to agree or anyone can disagree.

* Designate your bill player. Mobile bill mine, Electricity yours. School fees ours. Vacation, this year mine, next year yours. Get involve, get pride.

* Never ever and I repeat, never ever ever have a joint credit card. Have two separate credit cards. Retain individuality, retain love.

* Last don't keep secrets. Secrets kill love. If it is difficult to say - I want to buy that Swiss wrist watch for myself, say it was your childhood dream and you have been working hard for this. Your love will understand.