Developing parents - Baby Bonding

Jodibala Haobijam *

Even before the baby was born the process of bonding starts. This is experienced by the mother through her feeling of the baby's movements, and in turn the baby can hear the voice and feel stress of the mother and the external environment. Bonding and attachment happens naturally. It is the unique relationship between your baby and yourself. The attachment bond is a key factor in your infant's social, emotional, intellectual and physical development. It is interactive and dynamic, an exchange of nonverbal cues.

In first few years of life, attachment & bonding becomes deep and lasting, relationship develops between parents and baby -the tone of parents , gestures and emotions—and the baby sends signals by crying, cooing, mimicking facial expressions and eventually smiling, laughing, pointing, and even yelling too. In return, parents watch and listen to their baby's cries and sounds, respond to the cues and attachment grows out of this nonverbal communication process.

A secure bond provides your baby with an optimal foundation for life: eagerness to learn, healthy self-awareness, trust and consideration for others. An insecure attachment relationship is the one that fails to meet an infant's need for safety and understanding, leading to confusion about oneself and difficulties in learning and relating to others.  Whether you're singing a song or rubbing your belly while you talk to your baby, he's, and you're forming one of the most special relationships you'll ever have. Once your baby is born, it becomes apparent to her that she must depend on you for her survival.

BENEFITS OF AN SECURE BONDING:

• It motivates parents to pay close attention to their baby's needs—to get up in the middle of the night to feed the child,
• To notice when a wet diaper needs to be changed, and
• To figure out what baby's different cries mean.
• A secure attachment bond teaches the baby how to trust parents, how to communicate about their feelings, and eventually how to trust others as well .Secure bonding and attachment cause the parts of the baby's brain responsible for interaction, communication and relationships to grow and develop.
• The attachment bond becomes the foundation of the child's ability to connect with others in a healthy way.
• Qualities that may take for granted in adult relationships like empathy, understanding, love, and the ability to be responsive to others are first learned in infancy.
• The intense interplay of bonding and attachment draws and creates a unique relationship that shapes the baby's development

Secure attachment doesn't happen overnight. It is an ongoing partnership between parents and baby. As time goes on, it will become easier to understand the cries, interpret the signals and respond to the baby's needs for food, rest, love, and comfort.

Some ways to build the attachment or bonding with your baby:

• Eye Contact
  Newborn babies see best about a foot away from their bodies, what we call breastfeeding distance. They will look at a human face for hours, particularly the eyes. We all know what our eyes can convey without words. The same is true for bonding with your baby. You can also use facial expressions as a means of bonding with your baby.
• Touch
  In the beginning body contact is an important source of heat. Your baby will warm fastest skin to skin with anyone, with something covering them. This can start at birth. After birth the daily care of a newborn often involves touch. Use these opportunities to extend this feeling to your baby. Think about trying infant massage classes.
• Sounds
  did you know that your baby would rather hear your voice than the "music" in many of the toys available. Often times we think our voices aren't good enough to sing lullabies, but your baby only hears your love and affection.

Tips to initiate & develop bonding

a) Learn to understand baby's unique cues

Each baby has a unique personality and preferences. Some babies might be soothed by noise and activity whereas others might prefer calm and quiet. The task is to become a "sensory detective" and find out what types of things the baby responds to:

• Watch your baby's facial expressions and body movements for clues about sensory needs.
• Become familiar with the kinds of sounds your baby makes and what these sounds mean.
• Note the kind of touch your baby enjoys and the amount of pressure that is experienced as enjoyable.
• Pay attention to the kinds of movements and environments your baby enjoys.

b) Eating and sleeping provide important opportunities

Many of baby's early signs and signals are about their needs for food and proper rest.

• Increasing the frequency of feedings or adding in some extra time for rest where appropriate can make a big difference in your baby's ability to engage and interact when awake.
• Without proper rest, a baby cannot be calm and alert and ready to engage with you. Babies sleep a lot (often 16-18 hours a day in the first few months!), and your baby's sleep signals will come more often than you might expect.
• Often, babies who are overtired act hyper-alert and move frenetically. You might mistake this energy for an invitation to engage, but really, it is your baby's way of saying that naptime should have been 30 minutes ago.

c) Talk, laugh, and play with baby

The importance of having fun, playing with, holding and sharing happiness with your baby cannot be overstated.

• Smiles, laughter, touch and interaction are as important to a baby's development as food or sleep. Your body language, tone of voice, and loving touch are all important ways of communicating with your baby.
• When you see signs that your baby wants to play, try to relax and then enjoy exchanging smiles, funny faces and happy coos with your baby. Toys, books and music can provide a helpful starting point for play, but often all it takes is a game of peek-a-boo or a silly voice to invite your baby to interact.
• If you feel uncomfortable or unsure about how to play with your baby, keep trying!  Any discomfort or embarrassment should go away when you experience the joys of interacting with your baby.

d) Let go of trying to be the "perfect" parent

• You don't have to be a perfect parent all of the time in order to bond with your baby. Just do your best, and don't worry if you don't always know what your baby wants.
• It is amazing how one tiny being can be so much work.  But no one is able to be fully present and attentive to an infant 24 hours a day.
• Every parent needs help and support in order to be relaxed, calm, and engaged.

Factors That May Affect Bonding

Bonding may be delayed for various reasons. Parents-to-be may form a mental picture of their baby having certain physical and emotional traits. When, at birth or after an adoption, you meet your baby, reality might make you adjust your mental picture. Because a baby's face is the primary tool of communication, it plays a critical role in bonding and attachment.

Hormones can also significantly affect bonding. While nursing a baby in the first hours of life can help with bonding, it also causes the outpouring of many different hormones in mothers. Sometimes mothers have difficulty bonding with their babies if their hormones are raging or they have postpartum depression. Bonding can also be delayed if a mom's exhausted and in pain following a prolonged, difficult delivery.

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* Jodibala Haobijam contributes to e-pao.net regularly. The writer is an Asst. Professor at Department of Maternal and Child Health at M M College of Nursing, Haryana. The writer can be contacted at jodibalahaobijam(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)in
This was webcasted on March 30th, 2010.

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