Build Your Self Esteem

Rajendra Sagolsem *

Self esteem is nothing but self worth, self confidence and self respect. If you don't respect yourself, who will respect you? This is the biggest question in self development. You have to respect yourself. Only then others will respect you. If you are always in a shabby mood and don't respond to the calls of others, how can you communicate with people around you?

You are a human being and you are living in a society. And you know how strong the belief systems in a society are. You can't escape from them. But YOU can change them if you have the guts. Either change them or just follow what the society dictates to you.

But today the purpose of my article is not to ask you to follow what the society dictates to you. I know you don't want to be dictated. Nobody on this planet earth like that. You hate Napoleon Bonaparte, you hate Hitler. You hate any dictator surviving or not surviving including your boss in your office right now.

You know what King Nero said when his best friend died? He said, "How can he die without my permission? Now that he is dead, I will shed one drop of my tears for him. " There is nothing higher than this dictatorship. And I know you don't like it. It's really disgusting. Right?

Then, how will you stay calm, composed and maintain self esteem in a tough time? Here are some tips for you to consider as a guide to self improvement.

Negative Work Environment

In today's world, everyone is fighting against any one just to get ahead. And this is where non-appreciative people usually thrive. No one will appreciate your contributions even if you miss your lunch and dinner and work overtime. Most of the time, you get to work too much without getting help from people concerned. Stay out of this, it will ruin your self esteem.

Other People's Behavior

Bulldozers, gossipmongers, whiners, backstabbers, snipers, controllers, naggers, complainers, exploders, patronizers, etc. all these kinds of people will create bad vibrations for your self esteem as well as for your self improvement scheme. Beware of them. Take good care of yourself.

Changing Environment

You can't be a red grasshopper in a green field. You have to adapt to the environment. You have to change your color in order to survive in the environment. You know why polar bears are white and chameleons change their colors too often. Changes challenge our paradigms. It tests our flexibility, adaptability and alters the way we think.

Changes may make our life difficult for a while. It may cause stresses but it will help us find ways to improve ourselves. Change is a law of Nature. We all ought to change. There is a joke. Listen up. "Change is a law of nature. Everything changes. There is nothing that doesn't change. However, there is one thing that doesn't change at all. That's change itself. In fact, change doesn't change because it keeps on changing."

Avoid Negative World View

Look at what you're looking at. I am sure you are looking at positives. Don't wrap up yourself with all the negative aspects of the world. In building your self esteem, you must learn how to make the best use out of worst situations. You remember the advice: "If you are given lemons, make lemonade out of them." See, there may be situations you don't like them at all. Be objective. See the situations from the angles of reality. Try to avoid all kinds of subjective judgments.

Determination Theory

First of all, you are a product of the interaction between your heredity and your environment. Secondly, you grow up with dos and don'ts of the family and larger society. But you still have your own identity. You are a unique personality in this world. Your finger prints tell you that. Your father may be a failure. But that doesn't affect you genetically. That doesn't mean that you too are going to be a failure.

I have a nice story for you in this regard. There were two guys whose father was a drunkard. Their father was a real nuisance in the family. They were brought up by their mother with all her might. One guy followed the steps of his father and got drunk 24/7. The other guy loved his self esteem and tried his level best to do something worthwhile in his life. He became something worth in the society.

One day, press people came to interview them. They wanted to know how the two children of the same parents were so different in their career. When interviewed, one guy said, "What do you expect from me? You know like father like son." But the other guy responded, "I love my father. But I didn't want to be another him in the family. I just decided to do the opposite of whatever he did."

See how two guys of the same parental lineage thought differently. You are altogether a different person. You have your own unique identity. You are born to do something different. Don't imitate anybody, even your parents. Be yourself and shine yourself like a bright star in the sky. Lead people who require a leader like you. Help them when they require your help.

Remember, your self esteem will be heightened only when you lower your self centeredness and help others. Egotism and self esteem don't go together.